sigmastolen: (ter'angreal)
i didn't call you tonight. today was horrible and all i wanted was to ask if i could come see you and have a hug and pretend that i'm not so isolated and that people remember that i'm here and a person. but someone asked me to get a drink with her and a bunch of her friends that i'd never met and i was in the city where you live and i drove right past your apartment and i didn't call and i didn't text even though my thumb was hovering over the button and i had three separate crises about it and i almost cried. and i went to a new place and i met some new people and i had a fine time and i didn't call you and i can't tell if that's willpower or if it's just more crippling insecurity but i didn't call you and i had fun and tomorrow i'll do it all again.
sigmastolen: (bassoonists do it with their thumbs)
30 Days of Classical Music
Day 06 - A classical music piece that reminds you of somewhere

Last Tango in Bayreuth | Peter Schickele (yes, he did publish this one under his own name!)
(video above: Tennessee Bassoon Quartet: Keith McClelland, James Lotz, James Lasses, Michael Benjamin, bassoons)

This one was a stumper, actually.  I don't strongly associate classical music to places, apparently?  Or at least, not that I was able to think of.  After much pondering, I decided to settle on a piece that reminds me of Idyllwild, CA, and the summer music festival.  My experiences at Idyllwild are completely tied up in the friends I met there -- we were called (or perhaps called ourselves?) the Bassoon Mafia, and our pastimes included reedmaking, crossword puzzles, Scrabble, Hearts, hiking, stargazing, being inappropriate in the library, and playing quartets (and other bassoon ensemble pieces).  This was one of the first pieces I heard "the guys" perform, and a couple years later I played it with the three other bassoonists I have stayed closest to.  Even after we stopped attending the festival, the four of us went up to Idyllwild just to be together in that place again.  I played a lot of music there, and I've played a lot of music elsewhere, but whenever I hear this quartet, I think fondly of Idyllwild and my beloved friends.

Wow, that was sappy.
sigmastolen: (Default)
oh boy
1. Bold the names of guys you’d definitely get with.
2. Italicize the names of guys you might get with after a little persuasion.
3. Leave the guys who don’t do anything for you alone.
4. Put a question (?) mark after the guys you’ve never heard of.
5. Strike the guys you wouldn’t touch with a ten-foot pole.
6. Add three guys to the list.

This list begins with RPattz. I cannot contain my laughter. )


Alan Tudyk
John Cho
Marlon Brando

(Jesus, who are all those dudes up there?)
sigmastolen: (Default)
1. AWKWARD STORY!!! So remember bull-like percussionist (BLP)? Okay. So, rehearsal goes from 3:30-6 with a break in the middle. The Tuesday before the concert, we had been rehearsing Mozart 39, on which I played first bassoon and he played timpani. When Maestro Z let us go to break, he released the trumpets and timpani because we would be working on the slow movement for the rest of rehearsal. So I was sitting in my chair, maybe noodling? probably just sitting, and BLP comes over and is all, "So, how about getting drinks after this concert? You're not going to space out again, right?" Which, BY THE WAY: THIS IS EXACTLY THE WRONG WAY TO APPROACH A WOMAN. Because I didn't see him coming, and he got all up in my personal space, and the wording and tone conveyed a sense of entitlement and resentment failing to pass itself off as a joke, as well as left me no way to tactfully decline.

So I did the only thing I could do: "Suuuuuuuuure," I replied. Cue awkward conversation that I don't want to be in, in which I also misunderstand about half of what he says because he mumbles. *eyeroll* Aaaaaand then he left and I spent the rest of the rehearsal having a small "OH GOD THE AWKWARD" freakout.

The rest of the week I was polite when he initiated conversation but honestly I avoided him a little and exaggerated my natural social awkardness because I really wanted him to take a hint.

(fun fact: at the next rehearsal, Maestro Z tried to correct something BLP was doing and instead of accepting it (or at least pretending to accept it, as musicians WHO WANT TO KEEP THEIR JOBS do all the time), he said, defensively, "I'm just trying to accommodate everyone else," or something to that effect. And honestly, if I had been interested before that, I definitely wouldn't have been afterwards. PROFESSIONALISM/REHEARSAL ETIQUETTE FAIL. NEGATIVE POINTS.)

So anyway, I contrived to bring Comrades K and R along and possibly some other people as well and make it clearly a JUST BUDDIES OKAY kind of outing. We played the concert (and BLP and I definitely didn't discuss this having of drinks during the intervening time) and I was chatting with the clarinets going offstage and while packing up. When we made our way out of the hall, I found my bassoon comrades, but BLP was nowhere to be found. The clarinets asked if we wanted to get frozen yogurt (I really like saying "fro-yo" but it looks so silly in writing), but Comrade K wanted booze, so we went to a nearby bar instead. Crossing the street on the way there, we saw BLP walking ahead of us with a cellist (who, hilariously, has a very similar build to mine, but she's blonde. well, I was entertained, anyway). I guess he got the hint? Which I guess also makes me a bitch, but I'm actually pretty okay with that. My Comrades and I had a beer with the grad conductors, who are all precious. BLP and I have had zero interactions since. Oops.

2. Grad Conductor J is Czech, and he is conducting the Stravinsky Septet, which I am playing in, for this Contemporary Music Ensemble concert cycle. His English is not great, and he mumbles a little, and makes hilarious faces when he conducts, and for some reason thinks it's okay to wear a white bow tie and red cummerbund with his black tux when he is conducting a concert... But it's kind of awkwardly charming, mostly because of his accent (and because he's pretty sweet, and definitely well-intentioned). Anyway, I'd really only spoken with him very briefly in class, plus one awkward mumbled conversation on a crowded bus, so hearing him talk as much as he does in rehearsal is a novel thing. It fascinates me. He keeps saying the word slowlier -- as in, "we take it a little slowlier" -- which is an adorable word-formation. I don't remember my Origins & Nature of English Vocabulary as well as I would like, and I left all my old notebooks in Long Beach (how's that for cutting the cord, yo? except I didn't get rid of anything, it's all in a box in my parents' house...), so I don't know exactly what neologistic processes are going on, but it's clearly a conflation of "slowly" and "slower," yeah? Cute. Also, he says "bassoon" with a fun accent. It's a little like "bassyoon" -- not pronounced enough to be umlaut-u, maybe a little like French u? As well as "wiolin" and always "celli" (never "cello"). It's fun.

3. The Stravinsky Septet is a lot more fun (and a lot easier to read) with more than four parts accounted for. No joke, for the first rehearsal last week (at 9 a.m.), I was the first person to show up, at maybe 20 of? Grad Conductor D, the CME manager, arrived soon after, and we set up the chairs (as we were doing so, someone from the rehearsal crew, which I guess is a work-study deal? they do set-up and tear-down for all the "large ensembles" -- orchestra, wind ensemble, and CME -- poked his head in but we were all, "we got this" so he left), and then Grad Conductor J came as well, and I warmed up. The violinist and violist were also essentially on time, so Grad Conductor D covered the piano part, and we started reading (we'd only gotten the parts scores (the parts are on back-order, bah) the night before, okay? I only remembered to pick mine up that morning). The pianist arrived 45 minutes late. The clarinetist and cellist never showed up at all, and Grad Conductor D had forgotten to put a horn player on the roster. This morning's 9 a.m. rehearsal had everyone but the horn, which, eh, not cool, but it was still much easier to put things together and get shit done. Yesterday's 8:30 a.m. rehearsal of the Stravinsky Concertino for 12 players was also pretty pathetic -- four people (violin, clarinet, oboe, trumpet 1) never showed up, trumpet 2 arrived halfway through the rehearsal, trombone 1 even later, and we started about 10 or 15 minutes behind schedule because we were waiting for people to trickle in.

I understand that this is college and it's hard to get up for things that early, but we are musicians and this is rehearsal. This shit? Is how grownups get FIRED. Dammit.

4. So I'm working with Tall Composer on a project for Research Seminar (which is something that happens to All Masters Students Everywhere, I'm told), because his joined-at-the-hip roomie is working with his new bestie, the oboist from my quintet. And it turns out he's kind of a douche (so props to you for calling it, Jeff). Best of all, it's in a way that reminds me unpleasantly of DIAF. Now I'm extra glad I decided I don't actually want to date anyone.

5. I am crocheting! I am crocheting "convertible" gloves -- the fingers are full-length, but they have a slit about halfway up, so you can stick your fingers out and be dextrous while the top of the finger flops around behind, and then when you're done you can be warm again! But you guys, I have remembered why I switched over entirely to knitting: crocheting sucks. Completely aside from the fact that I had to RE-LEARN EVERYTHING (except for how to chain, I guess), it is very slow going, and I have to look at what I'm doing all the time because I can't find where I'm supposed to stick the hook through by feel, and while the left-hand glove feels warm when I try it on indoors (it's the finished one; I've only begun the cuff on the right-hand glove so far), it is rather bulky and I'm sure the wind will cut right through all the GAPING HOLES that crocheting creates. Ah, well. I'm enjoying it well enough, I guess. And I LOVE the yarn I'm using! It's Elsebeth Lavold BAMBOOL (so named because it is 80% bamboo viscose and 20% merino wool) in midnight blue, to match my corduroy blazer (that it's probably already too cold to wear YAY). AND AND AND it's only $6.99 per 50-gram ball at the AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME yarn store near my flat, Knit One. It's deliciously soft (one of the owners confided to me, while I was checking out, that she had passed it off as cashmere in a hat for a friend, because they had no cashmere yarn in the colour he wanted), and pretty, and warm (I hope). MY NEXT PROJECT: convertible mittens (this is where it's "fingerless" (properly half-fingers, here) gloves underneath and a big mitten flap over the top) in a grey tweed wool, to go with my peacoat. And my trench. And, you know, everything. (Freedom Spirit by Twilleys of Stamford, $5.95 per 50-gram ball, score! srsly some of the yarn there, like the silks or the actual cashmere, was upwards of $30)

6. So it turns out I might be good at what I do? I always feel awkward when people compliment me. Which happened after pretty much every rehearsal for Mozart 39, be it from the clarinets, the grad conductors, or Lipstick Lesbian Horn Player (I like her, she's from NorCal and is pretty cool, even though Comrade P and Metal Oboist say she's a bitch. I suspect this is almost entirely because she does not like the cock). And now it's happened after a couple wind ensemble rehearsals as well (OH GOD WIND ENSEMBLE HERE KILLS MY SOUL. AS ANNOYING AS IT WAS AT UCLA, AT LEAST DR. DIRECTOR OF BANDS STILL LOVES HIS JOB), and Wind Ensemble Directator tossed off an awkward, "I love your playing," in rehearsal once (SO AWKWARD). And, while I am reasonably happy with the quintet I was assigned to this semester, I have been propositioned for next semester by three other groups so far: a trio wanting to become a quartet, the quintet that Comrade P is leaving, and a quintet that is trying to form (this one probably has the least chance of being graced by my presence, because the clarinetist is douchey and the oboist, though excellent and hot like burning, was one of the people who didn't show up to the Stravinsky Concertino -- although to be completely honest I really don't like the way the oboist in Comrade P's quintet plays. at all). So, uh. I seem to be in demand. Which is actually a little uncomfortable. But I really shouldn't be complaining, because, hey, the more I get to play, right?

7. Uh....... was there a 7? idek. WHATEVER, YO, IT'S 0040 AND I WANTED TO WATCH SOME BSG TONIGHT :\


sigmastolen: (Default)
Music that is love:
- Sting singing John Dowland (the album is called Songs from the Labyrinth. Check it out, there's a YouTube playlist.)
- The Kronos Quartet playing John Adams: John's Book of Alleged Dances. (1) I love Kronos. (2) I love John Adams. I want John Adams to write something this wicked (and omg wicked hard, it sounds like) for woodwinds. I could maybe expand my "Woodwind Quintets That People Might Actually Want To Listen To" list to use two hands!

p.s. Have more YouTube: Kronos Quartet on Sesame Street OMG HILARIOUS UNISON SPEAKING! HILARIOUS 80s HAIR AND CLOTHES! PURPLE HAZE! ILU SESAME STREET! (duuuude this was the year I was born how cosmic is that?)

.... okay, have some more Sesame Street on YouTube:
- Geometry of Circles (and also the ending bit with higher-quality video), with music composed by Philip Glass* specifically for this segment.
- RSI: Rhyme Scene Investigation Not that I even watch CSI but, oh, Sesame Street <3 <3 I kept expecting to hear The Who during the "opening credits" bit. Also, how was I not aware that Sesame Street had carved out a niche for itself in the parody business until recently? The list goes on: Desperate Houseplants, A's Anatomy, 30 Rocks, Outrageous Makeover Home Addition, Dirtiest Jobs, Mad Men, True Mud.... Oh, so much love. A large part of me wants to go all CRITICAL MEDIA LITERACY!!!! on it.
ALSO ALSO ALSO Neil Patrick Harris is the Shoe Fairy! SESAME STREET + NPH + SHOES = EPIC EPIC WIN. Oh, NPH! Oh, Sesame Street! ILU FOREVER. (Oh, shoes...... *swoon*)

.... Dudes, I forgot what this post was originally going to be about. Happy YouTubing!

*There was a composer named Glass
Philip Glass Philip Glass Philip Glass
Philip Glass Philip Glass
Philip Glass Philip Glass
Philip Glass Philip Glass Philip Glass

edit;; While I'm showing you the internets, I just read this:
What Batman taught me about being a good dad
You guys, I'm crying. I could blame it on the martini I just finished, but I'm pretty sure it's because I'm an enormous girl. I... don't want to have children. Or at least, I don't want to raise children. Or at least, at this point in my life, I'm pretty sure I won't -- I can't even imagine having a spouse, having a sprog, having a house... It doesn't compute, for me. But I hope this guy's kid grows up to be a superhero. I really do.
sigmastolen: (Default)
Tuesday was another concert (it seriously feels like concert after concert here, and I'm not even in them all) -- Beethoven 7, in which I played second bassoon and I swear to god, I've never felt so insecure about my intonation in my life. Not even when Maestro has called me out, not even on uncontrollable contrabassoons. I don't even know. But they're so exposed, the wind parts in that symphony, and playing second bassoon is a big responsibility in terms of intonation. (And I wish more bassoonists I've played with would understand this. Playing second isn't a consequence of "not being good enough to play first" and it doesn't mean you don't matter, jesus. You are the bass voice. You control the pitch.) But anyway, my sources in the audience tell me that the woodwind intonation was excellent (certainly better than the brass or the strings), so I guess I count that one as a win despite my anxiety. (but seriously there were a few chords where I just didn't even play because I had no idea where the pitch center was or where I was supposed to be. it was so upsetting.)

Anyway. Afterwards, the bull-like percussionist I mentioned the other day came up to me while I was packing up, and asked me if I was doing anything after the concert. "I don't know," I answered honestly, and at point I needed to dump my reed water, so I excused myself for a minute. He didn't really continue the conversation when I came back, and I was frazzled enough from the performance and the pressing need to go find my teacher and see what she thought of it, that I wasn't totally aware of anything except for making sure I had all my stuff (and you know me, I always have an epic amount of stuff). Anyway, after I had managed to put my coat back on, he kind of mumbled a farewell at me, and I must have looked back at him wild-eyed, because he said something about how I had a lot going on or something. I didn't realize until later that, oh, oops, he was trying to ask me out, and I was so flustered and distracted that he just kind of gave up.

I mentioned it later to Comrade P and the principal oboist and flautist, because we ended up going for a drink (there's a bar near my apartment with AMAZING winter drinks -- apple cider with rum, which was what I had, and some pretty excellent-sounding coffee drinks and chocolate and/or caramel flavoured things. Must remember to return), and while the girls were advising me to just accept dates if I'm undecided because, hey, free meal (I love musicians. So pragmatic about food), I realised that, completely aside from not being remotely into him, I kind of don't want a relationship. I'm quite accustomed to being totally starved for touch by now, and while it's now awesome, I'm not that desperate -- I can handle it for a while longer. Honestly, I don't want to try to make space in my life for someone else right now; I have enough going on with my bassoon and my cats and just trying to make friends, and not lose the ones that are scattered around the country. (but a hookup or two wouldn't be the worst thing ever, i mean, a girl has needs, amirite?)

So yeah. Whatever. I do feel like I should apologize to the poor dude for being such a spaz, but in one of those weird twists of kismet or something, I haven't run into him even once since Tuesday. *shrug*

(Subjects this entry has had: "Hmm," "Single McSingleton," "Perennially Single")
(Also: I am once again contemplating my singleness while baking cookies. WTF is this? I blame texting with Will, he always makes me get all romantically introspective. It's a knee-jerk reaction from high school when we were both pretentious and I wanted to impress him with how deep I am. Talking is much easier now that we both understand that he takes things at face value and means exactly what he says, and that I almost never say what I mean. Hah.)

(In other news, I think I have discovered How Not To Eat All The Cookie Dough Before It Becomes Cookies (or How Not To Eat All The Cookies You Just Baked): improvise a disturbingly sweet but still boozy cocktail from whatever is on hand (in my case, gin, dry vermouth, and creme de menthe syrup (not proper creme de menthe mind you -- just sweet minty syrup), stirred) and drink it while you're baking. It effectively removes any desire to consume anything else that is sweet. (OH MY GOD THE NESTED PARENTHESES, LET ME SHOW YOU THEM. HAVE I CLOSED THEM ALL PROPERLY? I HOPE SO, JFC.))

(In other other news, today the rice cooker arrived in the mail (yeah, mum mailed me the one I had at the apartment last year. Mum mails me a lot of things lately. I'm so glad she loves me.), so tonight was TOFU CURRY OVER RICE EXTRAVAGANZA!!!!!! Because I tried tofu curry over pasta before i found the rice at the grocery store, and it was DISGUSTING LIKE A DISGUSTING THING. I made the curry sauce myself. It was weirdly bland, though... I am not sure what it needs. The recipe is here, and I added some ground ginger because ginger is the shit, okay? Anyway, I'd appreciate thoughts on this recipe. MOAR FLAVR: WANT. HOW I CAN HAS??)

(@ 3:43 -- Cookies: finished. My sleep schedule: officially fuxx0red! :D !!!)
sigmastolen: (mallow)
OMG you guys, I just softened my frozen butter by defrosting it in my microwave. I have been using this recipe for years, and have muddled through the quandary of how to soften the butter (which my family has always stored in the freezer, since forever, okay?) for just as long.

We have always had a microwave. There has always been the option to "defrost by weight." And, guys, it's so easy. It works so well.

You remember all that arrogance from a couple hours ago, about how awesomely smart I am?

I take it back.


also: I am mailing homemade cookies from scratch to a dude who I'm not even dating -- not even interested in dating. You guys, I'm seriously a really good girlfriend. What newspaper do I have to leak that to, to get some play already?

No! No, I should shut up, there is hope. Because Hot Tuba Guy is hot, and Cute Tall Composer is cute, and they're both really chatty. (Geeky Oboe Guy would be setting my standards too low, I think, and Bull-Like Percussionist is unfortunately not remotely my type...) (Am I allowed to date more bass players? Because there are a couple who are pretty attractive.) (p.s. dear cmu, where are you hiding the cute butches with fauxhawks? this is a demographic i sorely miss. yrs cordially, s.)
sigmastolen: (omgcrab)
Yesterday, it was hot and sunny and dry. No, for real, my hair was all flat any everything! I didn't have to be on campus at all, so I took the opportunity to do some errands:

- to the Carnegie Library of Pittsburgh (main branch, so the one near school, not the one near my house). I got a library card, as well as parts for the Nielsen wind quintet for my new woodwind quintet. We're going to have our first rehearsal on Friday; on Monday, we had a meeting to, well, meet each other, and talk about what music to get (the verdict: Ibert, Beethoven, D'Rivera (Aires Tropicales), Nielsen, Francaix. NO DANZI, NO REICHA, NO LIGETI. I am only sad about one of those things). GOSSIP TIEM! We're all first-year M.M. students... except the horn player. We had a second-year M.M. horn player, but she had too many other chamber groups and dropped us. (GOSSIP, SECOND LAYER: all the other double reeds call her The Bitch.) So our new horn player is.... a freshman. The clarinet player is really dissatisfied with this. ADDITIONALLY: everyone seems REALLY WHOLESOME except for me and it is AWKWARD. They also don't seem very adventurous. I mean, my quintet wish list has things like Harbison and Carter and Zappa on it, and they're all, Ibert! Beethoven! These sound excellent! Oh, UCLA, how I miss your new music scene. Or at least, I miss how all my friends were into new music. ON THE OTHER HAND I might already be the darling of the composition students, so that's cool.

- to the AT&T store for a new phone (my current phone is slowly reaching the inevitable doom of all flip phones: the hinge is breaking). This was actually kind of a bust. FIRST it's in the Strip District (no, I haven't figured out why it's called that yet), which is like an hour-long bus ride. Then, when I got there, my AT&T Representative, Ron, said I needed to be an authorized user on the family's account in order to upgrade my phone without my mum coming in and providing identification. This was an easy enough fix -- I called my mum and gave her the customer service number and she took care of that in about 10 minutes while Ron took care of someone else on the phone and I browsed the phones on display. BUT THEN when he checked to see if I would be able to get the discounted upgrade price, it blocked him because our payment was past due. So I called mum AGAIN and as it turned out she'd written all the checks on Friday before she went to the Bay Area for the weekend (apparently my uncle in Saratoga had a brain tumor? Don't worry, they cut it out and he's fine and actually friendly for perhaps the first time ever) but then my DAD neglected to put them in the mail on Saturday without her to remind him. So the check actually got mailed on Monday and wasn't processed by Tuesday when I was actually physically standing in the store. The price difference could have been a few hundred dollars, so Ron gave me his card and I'm planning to go back on Saturday to get a new phone for real. Which is okay, because it gives me time to try to make a BIG BIG DECISION: Do I go with my usual MO these past several years and get a phone that only does what I have so far needed it to do (calls, text messages, photos, the occasional photo message)? Or do I swing to the opposite end of the spectrum and shell out for a high-functioning smart phone (an iPhone refurb or something)? TBH I'm leaning toward the iPhone, depending on how much it will cost and what monthly fees they will charge... but any input/advice is welcome.

- to the grocery store for EPIC GROCERY SHOPPING (no, seriously, I had three bags full. That's a big deal when you walk to the store)

SO ANYWAY, that was yesterday. Hot, dry, sunny, errands. TODAY started out bright and hot and muggy. By mid-afternoon it was getting a little cloudy. And then I started to practice and the clouds rolled in, it got breezy, and suddenly there was THUNDER AND LIGHTNING. So I called mum to tell her about it, because I had mentioned how hot and dry it was yesterday. And right after I hung up the phone, there was suddenly a TORRENTIAL DOWNPOUR. Like, literally sheets of rain. So much rain that I couldn't see across the courtyard because of all the rain in the way. But by the time I finished practising, perhaps 40 minutes later, and went to catch a bus home, it had stopped, and as I was walking from the bus to my apartment, the sky had cleared enough for the sun to be in my eyes. My poor reeds, they just don't understand! And neither does my hair. (I'm so fluffy right now.)

BUT YEAH. WEATHERRRR!!!!!!1!!!!11!!eleven

TONIGHT: baking cookies and watching Hard Candy. Netflix: it is my new favourite thing.

ETA;; wtf lj changed the buttons on that little bar at the top of the entry. WHAT IS THIS, LIVEJOURNAL. I THOUGHT WE TALKED ABOUT HOW I HATE CHANGE.

ETA.2;; also today: my Music & Nature prof made me read an assignment out loud today (an abstract for an article we read on music as an element of sexual selection, which is pretty interesting stuff, btw) as an example of good academic writing. And then later a girl from class told me -- so sincerely! -- about how excellent it was. I might have died of embarrassment... except I'm too arrogant and self-satisfied for that. *buffs nails on shirt* Yep, still got it. HAY GUISE MAYBE I'M NOT BURNT OUT AFTER ALL


May. 26th, 2010 07:32 pm
sigmastolen: (Default)
So I just spent 15 minutes on the phone with Ben, who called solely for the purpose of catching up and wishing me luck in my conducting debut tomorrow night (and also in finishing the PACT). I <3 Ben.

He said he might drop by the school to say hello to whatever students remember him. Silly Sophomore Bass Girl will be pleased, she thinks he's "spicy." Haha.
sigmastolen: (Default)
- unpack lists from Travels
- orch manager. sigh
- children: having them, teaching them, my perceived ethical obligation to the species to procreate
- sort out thots re: women and beauty and worth
sigmastolen: (Default)

[ profile] doktor_quack: Usually when I ask myself that question, I go through a list of other questions to help me figure it out.
1) Am I on Facebook?

The list goes on, but in your case, the answer to that is yes.

[ profile] doktor_quack: But for the sake of process, I'll go on.

2) Am I on wikipedia?
3) Am I on Google Maps?
4) Am I reading web comics?
5) Am I obsessively refreshing my inbox?
6) Am I obsessively refreshing my old inbox just in case?
7) Am I watching Youtube videos?
8) Am I looking at lolcats?
9) Am I looking at porn?
10) Am I staring at the wall?

If the answer to all of those are no, then you are beyond help. It's time to turn in your lifetime membership card to the Breathing Club.

[ profile] doktor_quack: And when I say "sake of process," what I really mean is "Sake of Process," as in the Japanese rice wine.


haaaaaa haha ha hah. :)

In other news, I think I just decided to prioritize sleep over doing my project. It's not entirely because I'm out of coffee. Although that may be a contributing factor.

It possibly has more to do with the deadline having been... softened, if you will, from "Friday before 5!!!" to "by Sunday night." And it probably has quite a lot to do with my own ennui and lack of desire to do this anymore, despite my thinking I had been remotivated by Dr. Music Ed's pep talk this afternoon.

I'm also pretty sure it has at least a little bit to do with how very fucked I am. Because, guys, how fucked am I? 20-pages-fucked, plus video clips which I may or may not be able to cajole into a format compatible with Quicktime (or, as my brain just screamed at me, QUIKTIEM!!!). In other words, so fucked.
sigmastolen: (octopus)
1) Guys think I'm cool. They like to be friends with me. I'm smart, and good at what I do, and occasionally funny, and I tend to share their dorky interests. Guys don't think I'm hot (which, okay, I don't either, really, but I am pretty, and pretty cute, and occasionally pretty damn sexy); they don't want to date me. Mostly, I don't want to date them, either, but there are a few exceptions (at least one glaring one right now, whoops, sorry Anna I was mistaken when I said I didn't really want to hit that anymore), and honestly, it would be nice to be hit on by someone I'm attracted to -- or at the very least, someone other than middle-aged black and latino men. I'm an excellent girlfriend, and I'm told I'm good in bed, and I guess I'd like to know, what does it take to be taken into consideration? (possibly the loss of about 50 pounds, which is a goal of mine, but seriously, larger women than i are in happy relationships.)

2) Virtually all of my close female friends are gorgeous. Is this why I don't get male attention? When I'm out with Paula, or Malia, or Ali, or Anna, I'm definitely The Hot Girl's friend. Am I shooting myself in the foot, here? I also wonder if people see me out with my really gorgeous friends and wonder, how did she get into that group?

Man, I am all about the great self-image tonight. The funny thing is, I felt pretty gorgeous, all dolled up for the opera. And then it all went down the tubes.

(okay, okay, while i'm being self-indulgent: or has ethan noticed me? anna definitely wants to get in his pants, and eliz tonight posited that he's into paula, which i don't disagree with, but he flirts pretty ostentatiously with everyone, and i feel like we have chemistry. maybe. based almost entirely on our meagre interactions over the last two weeks. fuck it, whatever, i'm busy and i'll be going away to grad school soon. but you know, if i had a chance with umut i'd leap at that, too, so i guess if i have a chance with ethan... i dunno, whatever, fuck it.)
sigmastolen: (octopus)
Thursday/Friday's list:
1) LAX: Parking FAIL, people who can't drive, security is SLOW, viola security dude, Terminal 4 is SPACE!!, OMGSNAX
2) Midair: OMG MY EARS.
3) ORD: 6 a.m. and DARK, breakfast doesn't feel good at 4 a.m.
4) Midair: Teeny tiny plane!
5) DTW: silent airport! Also, ANIMAL HATS. And, alto sax cab driver
6) UM: "The goal here is not to look like I spent all night on an airplane", The Audition (why do I talk so much? JL sends greetings to JS, NS. also, oops sorry shosty 9), Music Libraries Are Good Places To Kill Time, Information Meetings Are Always Boring No Matter How Hard You Try, It Is A Beautiful Day To Be Outside, Paulo Freire is Better with Snow, I can kill a lot of time in a bathroom
7) My Cab Diver And His Cat Jeezy
8) DTW: Security Trekkies, No Dinosaurs, awesome sandwich, BEST HAT EVAR
9) Midair: slightly less tiny plane
11) Midair: being half-asleep through the descent is weird
12) Home Again, Home Again: Jiggity Jog. Also, clingy kitties.


Yesterday was kind of a BASSOONAGANZA!!! I went to two bassoon recitals and had a lesson, and then afterwards I made reeds. And went to a saxophone recital. In other news, Orch Manager appears to have a blonde girlfriend. Boo.

And then somehow My Favourite Pianist and I ended up staying in the building until closing, kind of just fooling around and chatting. I mentioned something about singing, because I have to learn a song for Awesome Music Ed Voice Class, and then she was like, "Do you want to sing with me?" because she needs to practise the voice music for her collaborative piano grad school auditions. So then she sightread my song and I sightread her songs and it was all kinds of fun! She even played Gretchen am Spinnrade because it's the only one I know, even though she doesn't need it for her remaining audition. And then [ profile] doktorquack came and sang The Vagabond and it was good (much more effective than when I sang it. haha baritones > sopranos).


While I'm linking you to videos, have some Britten: Ian Bostridge singing "Villes" from Les Illuminations, omg you guys you don't even know how much i love ian bostridge (well maybe [ profile] tubamaphone1 does)

Also, have some Stephen Colbert... with a bassoon.
sigmastolen: (Default)
1. Apparently you call this phone number and leave a message for the internet, totally anonymously, about whatever is on your mind?

2. I found that website because I typed "fuck yeah" into the search field at, which is really just Google but in a pretty skin and "deadly accurate"

3. I also found a Neil Patrick Harris fansite. Fuck yeah! That man is beautiful.

4. So I... finished? mostly?... finished one project, which was a miniature version of the PACT teacher assessment thing I'll have to do next term. There was some stuff I very deliberately chose to leave out because I am a slow worker and still ended up sending the "here's my assignment! :D" e-mail 5-8 minutes late.

a.m. until 3ish?: The other project, a paper on who succeeds at school and why. Also, DON'T FORGET: driving directions to HS and MS
4pm: meeting with my Master Teacher for the rest of the year
4:30-somewhat before 7: observe Music Ed Advisor doing an orchestra clinic at the school where I will student teach
7pm: attend middle school orchestra concert to see My Bassoon Student :DDDDD
after 7pm: get my drink on with music ed peeps? Or that might be Wednesday, I forget.

6. WEDNESDAY: study the fuck out of constitution book, have early dinner with Violist P and My Favourite Junior (hopefully at Father's Office, mmmmmmm), Music Ed Get Smashed Party?

7. Thursday OR Friday, depends on progress of constitution studying and on whether I am hungover: Drive to CSULB at fuck o'clock ayemme, take citizenship test, drive back to UCLA, work in library.


9. Gig this weekend with Proto-Doctor Grad Conductor's Korean Youth Orchestra, yay! I love earning money for playing bassoon.


p.s. 11. moar fuckyeah-related links! -- some of these are way too fresh for my taste, but mostly they look really cool. It does spook me a little when I can't tell what body part it is, though
and the rest of it is all team america, save for one unfortunate etched powerbook. :/
sigmastolen: (octopus)
1) damn my feet hurt like a motherfucker
2) imma be so hungover tomorrow prolly
3) it's 5 whyyyyyyyyy am i awaaaaaaaake
4) ian is my favourite but he's leeeeeavinnnnggggg :c
5) ich liebe paula she makes me do things
6) okay having a crush is fun but the obsessing is not allowed i don't have time.
7) is it sad that i have dreams about people treating me like a human being, and it's significant? yes, yes it is.
sigmastolen: (Default)
APPLICATIONS STATUS: 7/8 SUBMITTED (8th not due until 15 Jan omg)

*throws party*

and by party, I mean I'm announcing it to LJ, and in a few minutes I'm probably going to shift my clothes heap from my bed to my desk again, so I can go to bed, because it's fucking 1:45, motherfuckers.

Also, I don't think I even have to fill out applications for graduate assistantships right now, which is awesome. I hope my Kind Professors (particularly my bassoon teacher) submit all their letters of rec really soon.


p.s. My untimely crush on Orch Manager gallops apace. She's just... so cute. Plus, today she reassured me that Winston-Salem, North Carolina, isn't such a bad place to be, after Collaborative Piano Prof talked smack about it last week.

oh gawd, did I really never post a list of where I'm actually applying?
1. Northwestern University Bienen School of Music - Evanston, Illinois
2. Roosevelt University Chicago College of Performing Arts - Chicago, Illinois
3. University of Michigan School of Music, Dance & Theatre - Ann Arbor, Michigan
4. Carnegie Mellon University School of Music - Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
5. Temple University Boyer School of Music & Dance - Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
6. Mannes College The New School for Music - New York, New York
7. University of North Carolina School of the Arts - Winston-Salem, North Carolina
8. San Francisco Conservatory of Music - San Francisco, California

Roosevelt is the one that isn't due today. Well, technically UNCSA isn't due until 4 Dec, Friday, but I've already finished it and sent everything in. *shrug*

*random shiver*
sigmastolen: (mallow)
So, this quarter, and the past month in particular, has made me realise that I'm okay with being single right now, because honestly? I have no room in my life to try to accommodate another person. I barely don't have time to take care of all my own shit, and I've already had to miss a ton of orchestra and that makes me sad and guilty.

That said, I finally have a crush on someone that I don't immediately dismiss when I think about it, like I did the various people I took interest in last spring. And despite not being able to act on it because I have no time (see above), I'm pleased that it is happening, for two main reasons:
- it means I'm not ruined for life
- it's my first crush on a girl who isn't a celebrity, so it's new and exciting. Saxophone, first year masters (or DMA maybe? i'm not actually sure), v. butch, v. laid-back, orch manager, adorable faux-hawk. She might have a gf? I don't know. But that's okay because I have no time.

So yeah. *shrug*

In other news, new orchestra angst! SO MUCH ORCHESTRA ANGST.
1) I am on the roster for the Messiah orchestra (extravaganza with choirs)
2) I have a concert of contemporary chamber music during one of the dress rehearsals, which I feel it is important to note was not on the original schedule. Actually, we weren't even given a schedule for the whole quarter, just concert dates and a schedule for the first rotation, and even though this is the way the concerts with choir have worked out every other time, if it wasn't on the schedule they can't really punish us for not making the assumption that it would be the same this year
3) I was not expecting to be in the Messiah orchestra, because I thought we might be doing the smaller orchestration AND I assumed that Maestro would pick New Masters Student over me SO I figured that either way the chamber concert wouldn't present a conflict for me personally and if the various string players weren't going to make a stink, neither would I (plus I did mention it but Chamber Coach scheduled it anyway)
4) I feel guilty about playing in approx. twice as much orchestra stuff as New Masters Student, because Maestro isn't warming up to her very much at all
5) I asked Maestro via e-mail this afternoon if maybe it wouldn't be better for New Masters Student to be in Messiah, since she is available for all the rehearsals, and he hasn't gotten back to me, which freaks me out because he is usually a prompt e-mailer
6) I just registered for the CBEST, which I have been meaning to do for ages, and it is a 4-hour test on the day of the other dress rehearsal, which is scheduled to begin an hour before the test will end, not to mention that my testing center is far the fuck away because I registered so late, so essentially I will miss some or all of both dress rehearsals
7) I don't want Maestro to hate me
8) I don't want New Masters Student to resent me
9) I like large-scale choral works in general and Messiah in particular, but I honestly just don't want to deal with being in it right now
10) I also don't want Orch Manager to hate me for having so many conflicts and making life difficult because she has a cute fauxhawk.


Communication is hard, guys.

UPDATE!! Before I sent the CBEST e-mail, Maestro e-mailed back and says, "I'd still rather have you play. How much of the [Friday night] rehearsal would you need to miss?" So now I'm explaining about the CBEST and I'm so nervous about this, why? is this irrational nervousness? I just want him to liiiiiiiike meeeeeee. Which he apparently does or he wouldn't be so adamant about me playing this concert? SO WHY AM I SO NERVOUS AAAAAAAHHHHHH

OH AND ALSO! I got a haircut on Saturday and everyone keeps telling me it's cute but I am Not In Love With It. *pout* Am having a v. hard time making my peace with this one. ALSO!!! The lady was all, "IT'LL LOOK GREAT IF YOU FLAT-IRON IT :D" right after I said I don't have a flat iron and that I don't like them, and I wanted to say, "GEE, THANKS, I DON'T HAVE A FLAT IRON AND I DON'T WANT TO FLAT IRON MY HAIR AND I DON'T FUCKING HAVE TIME TO FLAT IRON MY HAIR EVERY DAY ANYWAY WHY COULDN'T YOU JUST MAKE IT SO IT LOOKS GREAT WITHOUT ME DOING ANYTHING TO IT?" Plus, she made everything too short. I'm not that bothered about the overall length, but I definitely wanted my bangs cheekbone-length and not eyebrow-length. Amelie haircut: DID NOT WANT, KTHX BUT NO THX. I don't think it suits my face. >:C
sigmastolen: (Default)
Dear Shoe Boy,
You're still gorgeous, but the after-hours drop at the library is meant to be used after hours. There is no bin there when we are open, which you could clearly see, because that wall is floor-to-ceiling windows. When we are open, you are meant to come the fuck inside and return your books in the inside drop bin.

Not as indulgent as you think I am,

Composers, I swear.

Today when I looked out the window of my flat it was frighteningly hazy, and my chest was tight enough that I needed to use my inhaler without doing anything more than walking to the window, so I decided to delay today's run. Hopefully the air will be clearer this evening? If it isn't, I'll take today as a Day Of Rest and nudge the training schedule back a day. Or until I'm no longer afraid to open the windows. Granted, I'll likely have to regress to a smaller run-to-walk ratio, but that's okay. I'd rather not breathe smoke.

Yesterday I finally started my grad school research. I'm still running with this (admittedly baseless) idea that Chicago is A Place I Want To Be, so that would mean Northwestern (technically in Evanston but not prohibitively far from Symphony Center eh?), Roosevelt, or DePaul. From there I jumped to check out the New York schools (god the Manhattan SoM sounds fantastic but I'm a little afraid of NYC and I'd probably never ever get in anyway), and I'm working my way westwards. The idea is that I want to go to school far, far away. And apparently my parents want to have a Serious Conversation about that with me, which will be joyous, I'm sure. I know I was talking a lot a while ago about going to grad school in Europe, but... I dunno. It's proving difficult to find information on what schools are even "good," especially information in English (because I just don't have the patience to wade through real-life German right now), and I'm pretty sure I don't want to end up playing with any kind of European "sound," although the German sound is miles better than French or even English bassoon. And Europe might be prohibitively expensive right now. Plus I have latched onto Chicago-in-my-head, which is kind of undercutting my motivation to investigate European schools. Eh. Musicians (er, Amanda), where are the other schools I should be looking at? How have I studied music in college for four years without knowing this? How have my friends found out where they should apply? (Of course, now that I'm looking inside the U.S. I imagine my teacher will have a lot more info for me.)

Also! I just spent a good long while chatting with Former Dungeon Master Ben about schools and teaching and sci-fi (he's reading Asimov for the first time; I've been DVRing Star Trek TOS & TNG and overdosing on Torchwood and reading all sorts of interesting meta about Sci-Fi and Television and Issues) and just... life. And I loooooove Ben and I miss hanging out with him, but inside my head (probably not inside his) the spectre of J hangs between us and I definitely still want J to Die In A Fire. I definitely felt a lot less awkward today than a few months ago, though, which is comforting. Because we are, in fact, friends on our own merit and not just through J. I <3 Ben. (and god damn do I miss playing D&D. *pout*)

In other news, one of my fellow Library Assistants suggested putting honey in coffee, which I had never considered before (because honey is for tea!). I tried it today, and it was actually quite good. *shrug* Who knew?

To Do This Evening:
- run if the air is decent
- practise (despite kitties hiding)
- put a new bag into Mom's Badass Canister Vacuum (which is now MY badass canister vac because she got a fancy new one just like it but better and a different colour!! YAAAAY I LOVE MY MOMMY SHE GIVES ME HER CAST-OFF AUTOMOBILES AND HOUSEHOLD APPLIANCES) and vacuum the shit (NOT LITERAL SHIT YOU GUYS) out of my bathroom and the kitties' scratching post and cat carrier, which have been outside de-fleaing and de-Raiding for the past week and are probably now covered in ash.
- make pesto??? -- my basil has gotten pretty large -- and pasta go to with :)
- hang out with Dory, who asked this morning if he could crash on my couch. Yay! I hope he's not allergic to cats... Not that they'll be on him or anything, they sleep with me with the door shut, but still. Dander and all.
- deal with more of my Desk Heap maybe? I got a little bit of it sorted the other night -- or at least, it's now an orderly tower of stuff on top of the printer instead of a jumble of crap all over everywhere. I'm finding myself with a shocking lack of space for papers and things, though, and I don't really know how that happened, because I can't imagine where all these papers used to be hiding. I don't know, Abergavenny? oh god torchwood in my brain
- Pow-wow with Flatmate re: rent, which is due, to find out how we're adjusting for her doing automatic deposits for the cable. (know what SUCKS though? the building manager called me this morning and informed me that the pet deposit will be $400 which is a lot more than I anticipated. Aaaaarg.)
- OMG CUT TIES WITH PAC PROMOS. Which means finding the original paperwork. Which reminds me.

If you are approached by a representative of PAC Promos, Inc., DON'T LET THEM TALK YOU INTO ANYTHING. RUN THE OTHER WAY. This mostly applies to ladies who have cause to be on a college campus in SoCal, because that is where they approach people (that is where they approached me).
The discounted salon services sound really nice but they charge you $20 a month and they DON'T STOP. I ended up not even being able to make time for any of the salon trips before the offer expired. At the time, I figured, "Oh well, whatever, I am allowed to make poor choices with my own money" (and $20 a month is definitely my own money, and not my parents') and assumed that they'd stop charging me once the offer expired. NOT SO. Which I did not notice until yesterday. Fuck me. And all the reviews I've read say that cutting ties with them is a huge hassle, which I'm not looking forward to.

... Hooray! Or not.
sigmastolen: (mallow)
Okay, so I really have no clue how I developed such a HUGE random crush on John Barrowman, but I have. He's just so adorable. And hilarious. I want to hang out with him all the time, except not because I'd probably explode from the adorable. Probably what I actually want is to spend all my time fangirling him and squeeing over YouTube videos of him singing standards and speaking in a Scottish accent and making dirty jokes. HE IS A GROWN MAN HOW IS HE SO CUTE???

Okay, so I was definitely hurt when Torchwood killed Ianto, but I'll keep watching S4 because, Mr. Barrowman, I'll follow you anywhere. Even to Shark Attack 3: Megalodon and How Do You Solve A Problem Like Maria? If you end up on Desperate Housewives, I'll be there, too.

Aaaaaaaaagh obsess obsess obsess

Kat and Malia, just so you know, if there's a Torchwood or Doctor Who panel at ComicCon next year, that is where I will be. ESPECIALLY if John Barrowman is there. (john barrowman is love)

(god i'm at work and i'm blushing so hard right now because i am thirteen-years-old)


sigmastolen: (Default)

April 2017

23242526 272829


RSS Atom

Most Popular Tags

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated Sep. 25th, 2017 01:34 pm
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios