meh

You Are a White Flower

A white flower tends to represent purity, simple beauty, and modesty. At times, you are dignified like a magnolia. And at other times, you represent great ecstasy, like a white orchid. And more than you wish, you're a little boastful, like a white hydrangea.

What Color Flower Are You?

So, I sort of want to curl up and die -- not physically, but academically. My second midterms for both physics and math are this week, and while physics will probably be fine, I'm worried about math. The last one was awful, and I do mean that. I really feel like I haven't been learning anything in that class. Tonight's reading assignment was kind of encouraging, because we're starting continuous functions and the normal distribution and suddenly everything feels more concrete and familiar, but I don't know. Especially since Prof. Brose was so very very NOT encouraging when I mentioned that the first midterm had gone badly (and by badly, I mean I failed. Literally failed. If you haven't already heard, my score went to the tune of 10% and when I said that, she said, basically, 'That was YOU? I hate to break it to you but there's no way you're going to pass this class, but you're pretty much already fucked because it's too late to drop.'). I'm going to try to arrange a meeting with her this week (I e-mailed about it Wednesday and have not heard back but perhaps it was the wrong e-mail address to use? not according to what I wrote down the first day of classes, but whatever) -- lord knows when I'll have time for that. And I absolutely MUST do her homework this week (& try to go over what I didn't do last week while I was delirious with fever (well okay not delirious but pretty damn well incapacitated)), and actually study for her midterm, and also the Wind Ensemble concert is Wednesday and the Phil concert (in which I don't play, but I will attend) is Thursday and Thursday also has a couple informational meetings about the bnad greeks that I'll be going to (to decide which, if either, I want to join -- I got invites from both, ooh!) and lessons are also Thursday (speaking of which hopefully I will be able to switch times with someone) and at some point I should probably do the physics practise midterm but I don't even know what day the midterm will be (I don't know if she mentioned it last Monday, or if she talked about it on Wednesday while I was sick, but it's not posted anywhere online) and oh yeah, I haven't practised bassoon in over a week, I think -- way to be a music major, Sumner.

I'm slowly reaching a resolution about this whole neuroscience minor thing, and it's looking like I'm going to let it fall by the wayside. I still think it's a really cool field, but it's really not worth being stressed and ill and miserable to me. It makes me sad, though, thinking about not doing it. I kind of hate myself.

I miss the good old days when I was smart. Where did they go?