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Can we talk about my anxiety a little?
Nov. 16th, 2009 08:03 am1. Grad school: I have Very Kind Professors who have agreed to write letters of rec for me! Now I just need to figure out where to send them. *FREAKING OUT OMG* Also, am I aiming too high? Too low? (probably not the second one.) I still don't even know which programs are good. But anyway, I am making my list (last night, one of my HS teachers suggested another school to me which means I have to find information on another school and then make a decision about it oh god), and I'm gonna try to get forms and addressed & stamped envelopes to my Very Kind Professors... by tomorrow? oh god.
2. Current school: So I thought that after finally doing the last part of my Busywork Choral Methods Class midterm, which I have been sitting on for three weeks, I would be caught up. Except then when I was e-mailing it to Busywork Teacher, I saw an e-mail from Sociopoliticultural Teacher, reminding the class that we have a project due. Tomorrow. He couldn't have reminded us in class last week? Or maybe sent the e-mail before the weekend? And then I didn't even have my folder for that class with me so I couldn't check and see what the requirements are but I know we're supposed to have interviewed a child at the school we're observing at (which is structured very differently for the actual School of Ed students than it is for us -- the way we've been doing things is not conducive to doing these assignments at all, which, ARGH)... And then there are at least two more Big Projects looming in my future, one more for Sociopoliticultural Class and one for Music Ed Seminar, plus a smaller one due Thursday at 11:59 pm for Instrumental Methods Class, and while I've been "boycotting" the actual busywork (primarily summaries of all of the chapters in the book and all of the 90 BAZILLION ARTICLES she gives us weekly and expects us to read) for Busywork Class, I should probably do it at some point because I'm pretty sure it's supposed to go in the Binder Of Everything She Has Assigned Us, Ever, as part of our Totally Bogus Final Grade. AND ALSO!! I'm supposed to have passed the CBEST and a US Constitution test by 15 December, for the credential program. I guess I should maybe register for those things.
3. Bassoon: I just... feel like I am not learning the music I am working on fast enough. And since all the other parts of my life started exploding all over everything, I have not been practising as much as I was, or as much as I would like to. And when I do practise, I keep having weird brain problems -- spontaneously switching clefs, notes translating to the next line or space over, accidentals becoming switched... and it's all in my head, and I can hear how it goes and I can sing it, but whenever I try to play it Something Goes Wrong. And it's incredibly frustrating.
4. Cats: I'm kind of a bad mom. They're about a month overdue for their final vaccination... I don't know if they'll have to start the series over? They can be fixed at the beginning of December, so I need to make an appointment for that, too. And I'm not sure what's going to happen with them over winter break -- if I should get someone to cat-sit for me at my apartment, or if I should just stay at the apartment (no, i want to go home), or if I can/should bring them home with me? I fret.
5. Care and Keeping of Self: I need to make an appointment with the optometrist. I need to make an appointment with the dentist. And I need to start running again, but I am always Too Tired -- in the mornings, too sleepy to haul my ass out of bed, and in the evenings, too worn out from the day (also, it's dark when I get home, which... well, I'm not in the greatest neighbourhood, yeah?) -- and I don't know how to break this cycle of doing things last-minute and not getting enough sleep and being a lazy bum and freaking out. I also don't know how to be less angry, but it would be nice. No, I don't have an hour to go see someone at Student Psychological Services. I really don't.
I've wanted to cry since 7:45 last night but it keeps not happening, and I can't decide if that's good or bad.
2. Current school: So I thought that after finally doing the last part of my Busywork Choral Methods Class midterm, which I have been sitting on for three weeks, I would be caught up. Except then when I was e-mailing it to Busywork Teacher, I saw an e-mail from Sociopoliticultural Teacher, reminding the class that we have a project due. Tomorrow. He couldn't have reminded us in class last week? Or maybe sent the e-mail before the weekend? And then I didn't even have my folder for that class with me so I couldn't check and see what the requirements are but I know we're supposed to have interviewed a child at the school we're observing at (which is structured very differently for the actual School of Ed students than it is for us -- the way we've been doing things is not conducive to doing these assignments at all, which, ARGH)... And then there are at least two more Big Projects looming in my future, one more for Sociopoliticultural Class and one for Music Ed Seminar, plus a smaller one due Thursday at 11:59 pm for Instrumental Methods Class, and while I've been "boycotting" the actual busywork (primarily summaries of all of the chapters in the book and all of the 90 BAZILLION ARTICLES she gives us weekly and expects us to read) for Busywork Class, I should probably do it at some point because I'm pretty sure it's supposed to go in the Binder Of Everything She Has Assigned Us, Ever, as part of our Totally Bogus Final Grade. AND ALSO!! I'm supposed to have passed the CBEST and a US Constitution test by 15 December, for the credential program. I guess I should maybe register for those things.
3. Bassoon: I just... feel like I am not learning the music I am working on fast enough. And since all the other parts of my life started exploding all over everything, I have not been practising as much as I was, or as much as I would like to. And when I do practise, I keep having weird brain problems -- spontaneously switching clefs, notes translating to the next line or space over, accidentals becoming switched... and it's all in my head, and I can hear how it goes and I can sing it, but whenever I try to play it Something Goes Wrong. And it's incredibly frustrating.
4. Cats: I'm kind of a bad mom. They're about a month overdue for their final vaccination... I don't know if they'll have to start the series over? They can be fixed at the beginning of December, so I need to make an appointment for that, too. And I'm not sure what's going to happen with them over winter break -- if I should get someone to cat-sit for me at my apartment, or if I should just stay at the apartment (no, i want to go home), or if I can/should bring them home with me? I fret.
5. Care and Keeping of Self: I need to make an appointment with the optometrist. I need to make an appointment with the dentist. And I need to start running again, but I am always Too Tired -- in the mornings, too sleepy to haul my ass out of bed, and in the evenings, too worn out from the day (also, it's dark when I get home, which... well, I'm not in the greatest neighbourhood, yeah?) -- and I don't know how to break this cycle of doing things last-minute and not getting enough sleep and being a lazy bum and freaking out. I also don't know how to be less angry, but it would be nice. No, I don't have an hour to go see someone at Student Psychological Services. I really don't.
I've wanted to cry since 7:45 last night but it keeps not happening, and I can't decide if that's good or bad.
