sigmastolen | QUIS CUSTODIET IPSOS CUSTODES?

The answer? I DO. Or, I did, last night at 12:15 with Roomie and Neighbour J. Which was perhaps imprudent the night before a long, long day and a party. Ah, well. Watchmen was totally worth it, even if I'm a little bit of a zombie right now. I think I have time to catch a couple naps throughout the day?

SO ANYWAY THE MOVIE
It was good! They changed some things, of course, but I didn't get a chance to re-read the graphic novel beforehand so I was mostly blissfully unaware. I liked the look of the film, for the most part, although the weird slowish motion in the action sequences bothered me the same way it did in 300. It was much more of a bloodbath than I expected, which I probably should have been prepared for given how bloody the comic is and given Zack Snyder and 300 -- it disturbed me less in that film, though; I think I deal much better with sword violence than gun and hands-on violence. Also, ever since that horrible video in the skeletal system module of 8th grade science where we had to watch the girl fall and break her arm 50 MILLION TIMES IN SLOW-MOTION WITH THE CG RENDERING OF THE BONE SNAPPING, I cannot stand bones breaking in tv or movies.

There were also moments when the movie became hilariously awkward (sexual moments, natch) and the entire theatre was transported back to grade school. I kid you not, a theatre full up of mildly to severely geeky adults, and every single one of us was giggling. Part of this may have been the hilariously inappropriate musical choices... Neighbour J took issue with all but two of the songs used in the soundtrack (the score was pretty cool though); Roomie and I were much more magnanimous, taking the view that even though the songs were often cheesy and awful, at least the film was up-front about it, and I liked that they used songs contemporary to the setting. I was also pleased to hear some Philip Glass in the mix, but mildly horrified at their use of the Mozart Requiem, although I was more bothered when they failed to acknowledge it in the credits. Public domain, I guess, but don't you still have to note that it's there?

I was really impressed by how much they got everyone to look like the characters in the graphic novel, as well as act well. Even if Billy Crudup's oddly-high-pitched voice unsettles me. Also, they may have made the best opening credits sequence ever, deftly tying the masked heroes into historical events. The nonlinear storytelling (whoa flashbacks) was also competently done, and it didn't feel disruptive. Things at the end felt a tiny bit rushed -- or rather, some aspects went unexplained and if I didn't already know what was up, I would have been all, "WTF?!" There were only a couple things like that. And yes, the ending was changed, but I think it makes the storytelling tighter -- because seriously, in the book it was definitely like, "What were you on when you wrote that, Alan Moore?" and this way makes a lot of sense.

In other news, Matthew Goode definitely needed a better dialect coach. Unless they meant Veidt to have an indeterminate part-time accent?

And also, I was a tiny bit saddened by the rest of my kind (that is, geeks). We, like 50% of the audience, stayed in our seats through the entirety of the end credits -- I always do, and I think Roomie does, too. Anyway, the Awkward Nerdy Guys behind us were disappointed by the lack of a "secret ending" (you know, the scene that comes on after the credits finish rolling to reward the people who stayed) and were all, "IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN DR. MANHATTAN. WINKING!" and I died a little on the inside. Because WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT? There is no basis for anything of the sort in the novel, or indeed the rest of the film. SO OUT OF CHARACTER. Stupid fanboys. GTFO.

P.S. Dr. Manhattan's big blue dong was incredibly distracting in all his scenes. haha.

And a gripe: Female Hero Costuming. (Note that this gripe applies to ALL female superheroes EVER, and not just Watchmen.) Because if she's going to get thrown around and beaten up and narrowly avoid explosions, shouldn't she at least have some freakin' pants on? I mean, I know Malin Akerman has great legs, but talk about risking burns in The Worst Places. Also, that black latex was all up in her business. And by business I mean crotch. SO UNCOMFORTABLE AND POTENTIALLY INDECENT. Seriously, though, the female characters get just as roughed up as the male characters, but they NEVER EVER get any protective armour. Silk Spectre II gets thrown against some stairs -- really hard btw!! -- and I couldn't help thinking that it should have broken her spine. The book at least acknowledges Also, Sensible Shoes and Continuity: 5-inch heels do not make for effective crime-fighting, Comic Book Industry. But if you're gonna have them in some shots, please have them in all of them. She does a tuck-and-roll onto the roof and I swear she has absurd spike heels on, but the next sequence in which she actually Kicks Major Butt, she's wearing flats. (I complained about this afterwards and Roomie suggested facetiously, "Maybe the heels are retractable!" Which was something I had actually contemplated during the movie (oh the shame) and then rejected because, really, who would use that kind of technology on shoes?) So, Movie, make up your mind. Because I wept a little for the demise of Continuity.